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The Cost of being a
Friend

    Such a strong word, which sadly, we have used, and weakened, the word Friend, very lightly to the point of loosing it’s importance. We talk of our ‘host of friends’ meaning, all with whom we have relations, or even of being a pleasant acquaintance. We may a certain person is a friend when we only know them only from work, or socially, when their hearts and ours have never touched in any real communion. There may be nothing amiss in this wide application of the word, but we ought to understand that in the use of it, it’s full sacred meaning is not even touched.

Before carrying on . . .
Friend:~ [re’a or rah-ah] Companion, neighbour, fellowman, familiar person. In Hebrew [ra~ah] means ‘associate with’ or ‘be a friend of’. . . A friend should always love at all times. They should with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one whom is exclusive of sexual or familiar relations.. A member of the religious society of friends.. To add (someone) to a list of friends, or contacts on a social-networking website..
Acquaintance :~ A person one knows socially but who is NOT a close friend .. 2. A wide circle of friends and acquaintances.
   To become another’s friend. in the true sense, is to take the other into such close, living fellowship, that their life and ours becomes knit together as one. It is now more than an association of mutual interests, profit, or enjoyment. It is for more than pleasant companionship in the bright sunny hours. A true friendship should be entirely unselfish, in both parties. It should always seek NO benefit and good of it’s own. It looks for not what it may receive, but for what they can give. Your aim is not to be ministered unto, but rather minister too.
Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times”
Proverbs 18:24 “A man who has friends, must himself be friendly. But there is a friend who sticks closer than another”

Be warned :

It Costs To be a Friend

   “For better for worse, For richer for poorer, In sickness and in Health.” These are words from the Wedding Vows, a true friend should be a strong form of friendship. As my wife and I did our dating via letters & phone calls daily. (as she lived in Northern Ireland, and I was living in South Devon), so we built up a strong bond. She has been my best friend since. When we take someone into our lives, as a friend, at this point we don’t know what it may cost us, to be faithful to our friend. Misfortune may befall our friend, and they may need our help in ways that will lay a heavy burden upon us. It may be in their business, or in their private life. Timely help may enable them to over come their problem, and thus turn around their misfortune.

   It is in our power to render them help, without which they would surely not have what it takes to turn things around. It will cost us though, personally, it will inconvenience us, and may bring trouble. But they are a close friend? BFF, if you will. (Best Friend Forever). It could be they been a close friend for a long time, thus becoming a partner in their affairs. So can we truly with hold the help they need. Which we are able to give, without breaking the Holy covenant of friendship and failing our obligations to them. My wife and I were watching a program called ‘Impractical Jokers’, whilst in the middle of a challenge one saw an old associate he once worked with, and so asked him to lend $100.oo, this guy said sure but instead of just $100, he handed over $200 without blinking, what an act friendship this guy showed. This is what I mean by a close friend.

Proverbs 17:17 “a brother is born for adversity”
   Sadly it may be the misfortune of sickness, or may be even broken health, (could be broken bones, mental health, or a disability), that befalls a friend. So at this point they are no longer to be of any help, able to contribute to the friendship, that does not mean we are to turn our backs. Just because we are the ones who are to minister to them, don’t turn your backs on them!

   Think not bad of your friend, that could not contribute their part in the friendship, and mutual ministering, giving as well as receiving. They could have been the one who had stood beside you in your time of trial. Our modern culture has cultivated the attitude of . . ‘Why should I care, it has nothing to do with me’, or, ‘What do I get out of it. . .
NKJV 2 Timothy 3:1-5 “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away”

. . . Now lets look at this in the Amplified version . . 
AMPC 2 Timothy 3:1-5 “But understand this, that in the last days will come (set in) perilous times of great stress and trouble [hard to deal with and hard to bear]. 2 For people will be lovers of self and [utterly] self-centred, lovers of money and aroused by an inordinate [greedy] desire for wealth, proud and arrogant and contemptuous boasters. They will be abusive (blasphemous, scoffing), disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane. 3 [They will be] without natural [human] affection (callous and inhuman), relentless (admitting of no truce or appeasement); [they will be] slanderers (false accusers, troublemakers), intemperate and loose in morals and conduct, uncontrolled and fierce, haters of good. 4 [They will be] treacherous [betrayers], rash, [and] inflated with self-conceit. [They will be] lovers of sensual pleasures and vain amusements more than and rather than lovers of God. 5 For [although] they hold a form of piety (true religion), they deny and reject and are strangers to the power of it [their conduct belies the genuineness of their profession]. Avoid [all] such people [turn away from them]”
. . . It is safe say to that we all know of people that have one or more of the above. These poor souls do need our prayers.
   The meaning of true friendship wherever it exists, is not based purely on helpfulness or service which it must receive as it’s condition, It’s source is in the heart itself. It’s essential desire is to help serve. It makes no nice calculation for so much to be given and so much received. It stops at no cost which faithfulness may entail. It hesitates at no self denial which may be necessary to the fulfilment of it’s duties. It does not complain when everything has given up. It only grows stronger & truer & more constant as the demands for giving and serving becomes larger.
   We need to be mindful of the cost of friendship, which should not be ignored, that which comes with revealing of faults and flaws and sins. At first glance, when we meet people we can only see the surface of the character that is projected. Thus we become attracted to the elements that win us over. At length our attraction goes out to them and eventually calling them friends. We walk with them in pleasant companionship that makes no demands on our unselfishness, this discloses little of their true nature. Even at this point we see/know beyond the surface. Sadly nothing has occurred in the progress of our friendship to bring out the things in their disposition which are altogether not lovely.

Be warned :

It Costs To be a Friend

   Over time, a closer intimacy, that reveals their faults. Then we can learn what lies beneath attractive exterior which so pleased us we find they to like us, have blemishes ~ spots ~ flaws, which sadly disfigure the beauty of life. We learn in them are elements or meanness, which in turn will cause us pain. Then learn that they have secret habits that we find repulsive. These highlighted things in their demeanour, that we never suspected, which are more evident the closer the friendship becomes. . .
Psalms 52: 2-4 “Your tongue devises destruction, Like a sharp razor, working deceitfully. 3 You love evil more than good, Lying rather than speaking righteousness. 4 You love all devouring words, You deceitful tongue”
. . . the longest and freest acquaintance previous to marriage only the better side of the life, for both of them. The same is true in the greater, or lesser, degree in all friendships.
   This then is a servier test of love. It is the rise into something of the Spirit of Christ that we are able to meet this test of friendship. He [Jesus] takes us as we are and never grows weary of us, what ever faults and sins discover themselves in us. There is infinite comfort in this for us. We are conscience of our unworthiness and the unlovelyness, this in our souls.
   Many of us have pages from our lives which we would not dare spread out before anyone else’s eyes. They are our inner feelings, even desires, jealousies & motives, which we don’t feel happy about laying bear to our dearest trusted friends. Yet Christ knows all of our sins & faults, which we keep only for Him to know. . Nothing is hidden. . nothing can be hidden God’s eye’s. To Him there is a perfect revealing of our innermost feelings such as ~ desires ~ longings ~ cravings, which we would not feel secure in laying bear to our dearest, in we trust the most with our dearest friends. . .

>> YET CHRIST KNOWS THEM ALL <<

. . . yet we need not feel afraid that His friendship for us will NOT change or grow less, or with draw itself, when He discovers in us all the repulsive things. This is the ideal of ‘Human-friendships’. They are not repelled by them being found out..
NKJ ~ Revelation 3:8 “I know your works”
NIV ~ Revelation 3:8 “I know your deeds”
AMP ~Revelation 3:8 “I know your [record of] works and what you are doing”
.. our Lord will not offer up our blemishes, even though nothing is hidden from His eye’s. True friendship is unconditional, though there are those relations that are toxic and do nothing but bring you down if your promoted. To the extent that they will smear your name to bring you down, hold you back. The tradergy is that you will have to cut these loose, like a cancer, because they'll stop you from being able grow.

Romans 16:20 “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you”
Grace :~ Charis [Khar~ece]From the same root as Chara ‘Joy’, Chario causes ‘rejoicing’. It’s Gods grace as extended in sinful man. It signifies unmerited facour, undeserved blessing, or a free gift.

   In spite He continues to love us all, even because He found unbeautiful and unworthiness within us. He teaches us a form of friendship that is loyal. As He loves us, He would have us love others. We say many are unworthy of such friendships. True or not, niegh?? are worthy of Christ’s wondrous love of us. But, Christ loves us not according to the riches of our own heart. So it would be the giving of friendship, not as the person deserves, but after the measure of our own character.

   I hope that all these illustrations are enough to show just what it costs to being a ‘True Friend’. When we receive someone into being a ‘Faithful’, relation, all be it that we don’t know what responsibility, and what burdens we may be taking upon ourselves, and the sorrows it may cost our love. We accept a solemn responsibility when we do so. At this moment we have no idea the burdens we may be engaging to carry, also the cost of the unconscience pledging ourselves to.

   Let me say this in closing. When choosing our friends, we must be therefore, thoughtfully, wisely, prayerfully, before we open the doors to our inner self and pledging our friendship & love, we need to be faithfull what ever the cost may be.

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Getting help from Criticism

Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity”

We ought to get profit from Criticism.

Two pairs of eyes should see more than one?

  
   None of us has all the wisdom there is the World. However as wise as any of us may be, there are others who know something better than we know them. Who can make valuable & helpful suggestions to us concerning some points at least at work.

   The Shoe maker may never have painted the picture, but be could ‘criticise’ the shoes that were painted, when stood in front of the canvas. Which the great artist had covered with his noble creations, and the artist was wise enough to welcome the criticism and quickly amended his picture to make it correct.

Exodus 33:11 “So the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend”   
   Of cause the shoe maker knows more about shoes, as the Tailor/Dressmaker knows more about making clothes, just as the Furniture maker knows more about making Furniture, than the Artist does. The closest criticism comes from a close friend, or family member, so this type should be received with Love.

   No ones knowledge is encyclopedic. Though there are some things some body else will know better than you do, however wide your range of intelligence. An honest form of criticism is one that is done humbly, face to face. If you truly wish to grow, not just as a Tailor/Dressmaker/Furniture maker, but in any business, or just in life, you must accept criticism. I know that sometimes those whom have known the closest will say things in a way that have only one desired out come, and that is to hurt us.

Proverbs 24:28/9 “Do not be a witness against your neighbour without cause, For would you deceive with your lips? 29 Do not say, “I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.”

  It is true that other can see our faults & imperfections in us which we ourselves cannot see. We are to closely identified with our own lives to be objective critic's.

We can never make the most and the best of our life, if we refuse to be taught by others.

 
   A ‘self made man’ is poorly made, as he is the product of one man’s thought. The strong things in his own individuality are likely to be emphasised to such a degree that they become idiosyncrasy’s, while no other sides of his characteristics are left defective.
  The ‘best made man’ is the one who in his formative years has the benefit of ‘wholesome criticism. His life has been developed on all sides, faults have been corrected. His nature has been restrained at points where the tendency is over growth, while points of weakness are strengthened. We all need, not only as part of our education, but in all out life, the corrective influence of the options and suggestions of others.

   In order to get from others criticism, we must relate ourselves in a sympathetic way. We must be ready to believe and give hospitable thought to the things other may say of us and of what we are doing. Some are only hurt, then become defensive, hence never have been helped, by the criticism. They tend to regard it always as unkindly, and so meet it with bitter feelings. They will resent it from where ever it comes, and what ever form, as something impertinent. It’s regarded as unfriendly, as a personal assault against which they feel they must defend themselves, putting their hackles up, becoming closed off.

   We’ve all known ones who can’t handle any form of criticism. As long as others will compliment them on all things they do they give respect & attention and are pleased. However the moment a criticism, however slight, or even the question, whether something else would not be an improvement, is asked they are offended. This some up the World we live in today, especially with this woke generation. They regard as an enemy, anyone who even intimates to being otherwise. Surly when all is said and done that it proves they should have listened, you wonder they must feel thus ... Proverbs5:12/13 “How I have hated instruction, And my heart despised correction! 13 I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, Nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me” … It prove hard to be friends of any kind, with such people, for no-one cares to see their help dismissed without thought. Not many people will take the trouble to keep a lock on their lips all the while for fear of offending a self-conceited friend. They are no longer teachable, and therefore, are no longer a leaner. They would rather keep their faults than be humbled by being told in order to be corrected, such a spirit is unwise ... Proverbs 4:1&2 “Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, And give attention to know understanding; 2 For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law” … the saddest thing here they would rather keep all their faults, and so pay no heed to criticism. Such importance is that we should always be ready to receive instruction, no matter the source.

Proverbs 4:5 “Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth”
   In other words, we must continually be made aware of our imperfections. There is NO doubt it will hurt, when we’re connected, told of all our faults. Better this, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel. Really, we ought to thank the critic's for showing us where we’re going wrong despite how confident we think that we ‘re doing it the right way.
 

We can never make the most and the best of our life, if we refuse to be taught by others.

 
   Of cause there are those we know, who would point out our faults ‘bluntly’ and relish to this ‘harshly’, to the point of being rude. Yet others will try and find a way to make us aware of our faults without causing us any feeling of humiliation. For sure it would be better if they all came this way. There is needed for, great wisdom & tact to point out someone’s faults ... Proverbs 4:13 “Take firm hold of instruction, do not let go; Keep her, for she is your life” … we should all seek to possess the Spirit of Christ, who was patient and gentle when instruction & criticism was needed.

   Too many take delight in discovering faults in other people, and then in pointing them out in front others for maximum affect & humiliation. Some will do it when they are in anger, blurting out their keen criticism’s in fits of bad temper. Harm is done often by the want of this spirit in those feel it is their duty to teach others a lesson.

   St Paul urges his heavenly Father, not to provoke their children to wrath, lest they be discouraged. Yet there are parents who almost never corrects their children, as they feel they should ‘never’ be corrected. There are others, at the other end of spectrum, who continually tell them almost with every breath, telling them of their faults as if everything they say or do is wrong. They feel by doing this continually nagging them and scolding them in this way will make them tough, and able to cope with the harshness of this World. Sadly partners (for the most part men), will make them feel smaller than an ant, instead of finding someone else. Alas NO, they stay because it makes ‘them’ feel big?

   We should never ‘Criticise’ or ‘Correct’, unless done with humble love … Proverbs 4:16 “For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall” … if we find ourselves in anger, or cherishing bitter, unkind or resentful feeling, as we are about to point out an error or mistake in another person or in another’s work, we better be silent and not speak, that is until we can speak in love. Only when our heart is full of love, are we fit to correct another or to speak of their faults.

Romans 2:1 “Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things”

We can never make the most and the best of our life, if we refuse to be taught by others.

   While this is the Christian way for all who would make criticism of others, it is true also that, however we learn of our faults, it would be better to accept the correction in a humble, loving way, and profit by it. Phew of us hear the honest truth about ourselves until someone grows angry with us and blurts it out in bitter words. It may end up being an enemy who says the ugly thing about us, or may be someone who is biased and unworthy of respect, but whoever it may be, we would ask whether if there may some truth in the criticism, and if there may be, then set ourselves to get clear of it. In what ever way we are made aware of a fault, we ought to be grateful for the fact, for the discovery gives us an opportunity to rise to be better, nobler life or to a bigger and finer achievement.

   This is the lesson:- We should not resent Criticism, whether it be made in a kindly manner that we should be willing and eager to learn from anyone, since even the humblest and most ignorant man knows something better than we do, and is able to be our teacher at some point, that truth should be welcomed, more so if the truth which affects our own life & work, it may wound our pride, and humble us, however it manner of coming to us ...

We can never make the most and the best of our life, if we refuse to be taught by others.

… the moment we learn of anything that is not beautiful in us, we should seek it’s correction. Thus only can we ever reach the best things in our Character, or do the best thing in achievement.
James 1:26 “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless”
Psalms 34:12/14 “Who is the man who desires life, And loves many days, that he may see good? 13 Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit. 14 Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it”

So to finish, there’s an old saying here that goes like this …

“If you don’t have anything, helpful, constructive,

don’t say anything at all”